absence

At some point in my university career, likely in that final year, I lost the ability (and thus the need, or rather the other way round) to hold my stomach in; to keep that line from lungs to pelvis flush and smooth. At some point I stopped doing it and I can’t determine whether it’s a nonchalance that’s rooted itself into my bones, the running that I was doing: thus lacking any necessity to do such because I had built up those muscles and was lean generally…, or perhaps I am too easily grafted onto and this propensity turned itself into adopting this apathetic manner.

Regardless, this detracts nothing from my seminar today about motivation and my apparent inability to talk or prescribe my motivation. Perhaps itself stemming from my desire to not prepare for these lectures/ we never prepared before/ a distinct and groundless faith in my rhetoric abilities/ a desire to be adept in rhetoric. Nonetheless I did not speak my motivation, I do not know of my motivation and that one friend that I will talk to and address these things, once again, presented and prescribed herself in these terms while I did not really say anything at all, because while she deems J to talk at her, never taking anything from her in, she does the same to me.

Or perhaps, I simply have nothing to offer and thus cannot actually say my motivation because that is simply a void left for momentary filling of distraction. Oh Hello, Schopenhauer.

♪: Prides