Oh America
I was thinking earlier about how to approach and appreciate a band you’ve gone to see? Having initially been thinking about the inevitable moment when my sisters and I converge after the death of one of my father and having to deal with that and considering all of the experiences and love and wonderful and terrible events, but then i was realising that i would be so terribly sad and likely cry (i’ve always had a thing about not crying in front of others, likely the same reason as to why i wore solely blue for years, internalised misogyny, whatup) and knew that my sister would want to hug me but i’m also a terror for being hugged, especially by her, i’m not sure why.
Anyway, i then clicked on the video for the Head and the Heart’s Down in the Valley and having listened to them prior to, but also in, America and managing to feel that singularly magnificent dream that is the American Road-trip which occurred with my sisters along with their road trip montage at the beginning of the video, i was feeling all kinds of heart love. Especially because of those beautiful shots by a master of cinematography along with the absolute perfections that were the jaunted angles especially the ones of putting a camera down to continue living in the moment.
There’s nothing like those moments in filming, when you know the events got too much and too current and present that there could be no divide from a recording device but only the absolute giving up of yourself in that moment. Those are my favourite.
This video got me, not only nostalgic for the magic that was the american road-trip beautiful mess of tiny bands and pocket bands and gigs that my sister’s and I experienced but i had been wondering earlier how to correctly approach a band whom you appreciate and love. I guess because i have a need for the exchange to go as well and magnificently for them that they experience my enamour for them mirrored to me, to form an equality as opposed to a simple fan, and i guess it’s this that makes the exchanges so hard for me. because it will simply never truly be how i experience it because of course they that moment to go on whereas i’ve had multitudes of time thinking about the lyrics and the melody lines and progressions and members of the band so it could never be and i guess that’s okay, it’s what it is and what it will have to be. There’s no way to guarantee that there will ever be a means of being placed on equal footing and definitely not for everyone.
So my initial question of how to approach and express and converse in equality with those you admire is that you can’t, and i will always have to struggle with that, having refused the inherent hierarchy in otter places, you cannot do that in single, one off meetings but only institutions with which you’re a part of.
I just love Colorado so very, very much and the mess that America is in likely doesn’t entirely put me off because it’s just so damn beautiful.
♪: The Shins, The Head and the Heart, Band of Horses